How do I cope today?

Truthfully, it is a day by day situation. To girls in particular, a good day could be that their eye brows are on point or that they created perfect beach waved hair and made the perfect eyeliner flick. A good day for me? When an outfit covers 50% of my skin, leaving only less than  50% left for people to see.

For Christmas, my partner and I received a Peninsular Hot Springs voucher to go spend the day at the spas. Have we gone? No. Is it because it has been too cold? No. Is it because we haven't had time? No. Is it because of my skin? Right on the money! Psoriasis to me, is a complete body image s##t show. The lack of confidence, the embarrassment, the anxiety of having all eyes on you for the wrong reasons, doesn't feel good. 

Daily, it is a mental struggle. Looking at people who can freely get tattoos, freely fake tan and freely wear a bikini with a little worry of a missed leg hair while shaving or a little pubic hair playing peekaboo, I envy them! Putting up a brave front is something I have learnt to do well. Example scenario - attending a family gathering with people who have never seen me with psoriasis before asks me "What the hell has bitten you?" or "What have you bloody done to yourself?". Simple questions aren't they? They aren't saying anything offensive, are they? But they have acknowledged that something is wrong with me, haven't they? And it is moments like these when the anxiety kicks in and I've got nowhere to hide. 

Through the days, weeks, months and years with flare ups, the support I have from my partner, family and circle of friends is what gets me through. The encouragement, the no judgement, the no stares, just compliments and love, is how I am learning to perceive myself as a unique individual. My psoriasis will not define me or my body. I may never fully embrace my skin but I will learn to cope better and be kind to myself.